Blood Update November 12, 2014

As you know from  my previous post I had been struggling with keeping my blood levels up.  Mostly because I wasn't taking my vitamins as prescribed by my Dr.  My iron levels were so low that I had to undergo 2 blood transfusions which totaled 4 units of Packed Red Blood cells.   It was horrible.  I learned a few things though!

1. No matter how inconvenient hauling a days worth or more of my pills in my purse is... it is no where near as inconvenient and scary as having to have Blood Transfusions.
2. I learned to take my damn medicine and that taking care of myself is my first priority because I can't take care of my kids if I'm dead or in the least, sick.
3. Blood transfusions are VERY EXPENSIVE!!!
4. I learned how much I love my family and friends and strangers that give whole blood selflessly.  I had several people give blood the week of my transfusions in honor of my struggle. It makes me cry to think about their sacrifice.  And even though I did not get a direct transfer of any loved ones blood, I know that their blood saved someone else's life.  So if you can:  GIVE BLOOD!
   
5. I learned that since I have received blood that I can't be a donor for a number of years.  But I promise when I can that I will give blood!  At the minimum of 4 times!
6. I also learned how much my family and friends love me!  There was a huge amount of scrambling that had to be done to get my kids taken care of so I could be in the hospital for 2 days, while my husband was out of town.  And Blood Transfusions can't really be scheduled or planned.  So thank you to all the people who helped get me and my precious family through that! 

So I faithfully take my vitamins and iron supplements daily!  And my blood work shows it!  On November 5th I went back to the lab and had a follow up panel of blood work done.  On November 12th I got the results at my followup appointment with my Dr. My blood work was great!  I had made some major improvements even since the blood transfusions.  My Hemoglobin was 11.3 and Hematocrit was 35.2%.  Both are still below normal but I am doing so much better!

When I had gone into the Dr back in August it was for a routine followup and to start asking some questions about getting an Abdominoplasty.  But obviously my low blood counts were more important that skin removal surgery.  My Dr basically told me in August that she felt I was too sick for surgery.  I quickly shifted my focus and worked really hard on getting better.

But now in November I realized with my blood work looking so good that I might be able to start thinking about my other health issues that were effecting my life.... the hanging skin, separated ab muscles, and constant skin infections.  So I hesitantly asked my weight loss surgery Dr. V for a referral to a reconstructive surgeon.

Much to my delight and surprise she was very supportive and excitedly told me about a brand new surgeon in Spokane that has experience in reconstructive sin removal aftr gastric Bypass Surgery.  She happily referred me to Dr. Dallas Buchanan at Spokane Plastic Surgeons!   And she agreed to write a letter to refer to my Insurance company once we got to that step.  

I got into my car after the appointment with such a huge feeling of relief that I was crying and feeling so blessed.  I called my husband and shared with him all the news.  We discussed the option of skin removal surgery and thought that I should at least go in for a consultation.  

Set Backs

I have recently had some setbacks on my journey to get healthy.  On August 9th I had my blood drawn for some routine labs in preparation for my upcoming WLS check up.  I went to my check up appt on August 12.  When I got there the nurse and Dr were very concerned about me.  My blood levels were extremely low.  Like scary low.

So my hemoglobin was only 6.2, which is about half of what it should be in order for my body to be receiving adequate oxygenation.  And my Iron saturation was only 1.91% and it should be somewhere closer to 20%.  All of this added up to me needing a blood transfusion.... like NOW!

The cause of these low levels are from me not taking my vitamins.  I know I know.... rookie mistake.  My Drs told me at every single appt to take my vitamins and treat them like MEDICINE not supplements as my body NEEDS them.  But I didn't.  I have a long list of reasons why I didn't but they all make me sound like a sniveling snout.  So I will spare you the details.  And besides.... the bottom line is that I didn't take them and now I am paying the consequences for those actions.

So I had to go get my blood typed and screened so they could prepare to transfuse me.  The following day I had to arrive at the hospital at 7:30 am and be admitted.  That in and of itself was a nightmare!  My friend Sara had to watch my kids while my other friend Sarah took me to the hospital because it just so happened that my husband was working out of town on these 2 days.    They transfused me with 2 units of packed red blood cells.

The following day August 14th, I had another complete Blood count done and my levels were still too low.  So they ordered another blood transfusion for Friday August 15th.  They put 2 units of packed red blood cells in me.  This time Tim was able to come with me!

This weekend I just hung out and tried to rest and also got on a good schedule of vitamins.  I downloaded an app to my phone that reminds me what to take and at what time.  All in all I have to take medicines 6 times a day because of how my altered by surgery body absorbs nutrients.  But the App is helping me stay on top of it!

This morning August 18th I had another Complete Blood Count done and it looks like my Hemoglobin is at 10.7 and my hematocrit is at 35.  These numbers look good to the Dr on call.  My Dr will not be in the office until tomorrow morning to review these numbers.  But at this point I am doing better and will not require another transfusion today.

Throwback Thursday

I am currently 27 months out from my WLS.  And yesterday the scale said 180.2 pounds.  It still fluctuates on a daily basis...like this morning it said 181.4.  I wear a size 12/14 in pants and tops.  I am still 15 pounds from my "goal weight" of 165.  But when I stop and think about my life and where I have come from I think back to the last time I weighed 180 pounds and wore a size 12/14.  Well that was when I was in High school and the year after so 1991-1994.  I still weighed more than my peers since most of them were in the 110-130 range.. or at least that was my best guess.  So I still suffered from self loathing and hating myself for being "fat".  But when I look at the following pictures I want to cry for that girl.  I wasn't fat.  I was thick... in all the right places...  a booty to balance my breasts...thin arms... great legs....  But why did I hate myself so much?  

Those jeans are a size 12

 That dress was a size 14.  I had to search high a low for a dress that was in style and in my size.  So when I found it, the size and price was ingrained in my brain.... size 14 price $112.  Thanks Grandma for buying it for me!

This was Tim's Prom in 1994

So when I look at those pictures and see that girl I am sad that she didn't understand how perfect she really was.  I am sad that she didn't see how worthy she was, and how it didn't matter than she was a bit heavier than her peers.  That her self worth was not related to the number on the damn scale.

So today is "Throw back Thursday"....  And a full circle moment... my pants are a size 12/14.  The dress I wore to my 20 yr High school Reunion was a size 12/14.  I weigh 180 pounds.  I am still working on my current issues of self loathing and feeling less than.  I try to not let the number on the scale determine my value.  I am still a work in progress...but at least I am still working on it

The Ugly Truth about my weight loss

I have been struggling with something during this weight loss journey of mine.  And today while reading on facebook I found an article that sums up my feelings much more eloquently that I could.  Here is the link:

http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/11/what-no-one-tells-you-about-dramatic-weight-loss.html

Basically it talks about how as you lose weight you feel better and are healthier but sometimes, most times, your body does not look how you thought it would.  While my silhouette is smaller and sleeker while fully clothed, when you take those clothes off I am full of sags, bags, lumps and bumps.  When I go to the dressing room to try on new clothes I am often left feeling crappy about myself because of how clothes fit and feel on my new body.  And the ugly truth is that I can "fit" into a size 12/14 pants but because it squishes the extra skin up and creates and unsightly muffin top I opt to wear 14/16 pants instead even though they bag in the ass and create a bulge in my crotch area.    I can "fit" into a medium top but it hugs my muffin top and left over baby belly too snugly and so I buy the size large.  My bra siz is really a size 34DDD but I choose to sacrifice lift to avoid lumps....  A 34 band squishes the extra back skin and makes me have lumps in my arm pits... so I buy size 36DDD and deal with the extra sag in the front.  But trust me that little sag is WAY better than the full on "puppy dog ears" I have when I am not wearing a bra.  I have lost 2 cups sizes and about 8 inches around but the skin has not shrunk.  So my breasts look like lemons hanging in tube socks.  Sigh.  I hate them so much I wear a bra 24/7.  I wear one to bed too.  I'm not kidding.  An underwire one.... to bed.  Even my face suddenly has a million extra wrinkles now that I have lost the fat that used to plump these wrinkles out.  I no longer have 3 chins but I have a turkey waddle of loose skin under my chin.  Sigh.

And I feel like a fraud.  People tell me all the time how great I look and all I can think is "yay, you haven't seen me in a bathing suit".  How many other people are struggling with their weight and think that once they get to their goal weight that they will be super model runway ready? I know that I had this notion that my stomach would be flat, my hips would be perfect and my ass would be grab worthy and that somehow my huge breasts would shrink, and be gravity defying-ly perky.  But here I am a mere 17 pounds from my goal and my ass is far from grab worthy, my breast laughably NOT perky.  So in honor of this realization and to de- fraud myself I am going to be brave and post the ugly truth..... the pictures that are unflattering.  The poses that I delete off my camera because they are horrid.  But the truth is that I *am* all of those things.... I look great.... I am Beautiful.... I am unflattering.....  I am horrid....I am flabby.... I am bumpy..... But most of all I am healthy.

If you are squeamish about saggy skin please close your browser window now.
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I do not provide eye bleach.
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lots of truth about to be splashed on this page!
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 My face full of wrinkles.

Full body.  Belly skin hangs over.... notice how it hangs unevenly.....  I can thank my children for that.  pregnancy stretched my skin unevenly...

 an extreme close up!  Belly and saggy thighs.  And all the scars from 2 abdominal surgeries.

 Arm flag that hangs over my Bra.  Awesome... NOT!  And seriously.... WTF happened to my belly button?!?!?!

Speaking of arm flab..... here it is from the back.  Skin hangs over my bra.  Skin on arms are like wings.  Bat Wings.   And and the cottage cheese ass and saggy skin on my thighs.

Side view.  The skin just hangs.  Do you see the definition on my sides?  there are abs under all that skin.....

 My saggy baggy thighs.....  Notice the skin hangs over my knees.

It is freeing to put this out there.  I am still scared to hit "post" but I know that there are other women out there that have had babies, have lost weight but are still so completely unhappy with how their bodies look.  I am right there with you.  In all my saggy glory. 

I love my life.  I love that I am healthy.  I love that I can run and jump and play with my kids.  But I Fucking HATE that after losing 157 pounds that I still look like shit in a bathing suit.

I am 17 pounds from my goal weight of 165 pounds.  I know that I can lose the weight.  I know that I can.  But part of me is holding on to these last pounds because I am scared of what my skin and body will look like f I lose another ounce.  

I want to break free of the vanity and focus on  my health.... but I am struggling with all this skin.

21 Month Update

Hi there my lovlies!!!!  I have missed posted on my blog.  But life always seems to get in the way!  LOL  I am busy chasing kids, being social and having fun!  Life is full of so many opportunities that i never realized I was missing at 338 pounds.  Hiking, biking, swimming wearing a bathing suit, wearing a pretty dress.  Dancing till I drop.  So many choices and so much life to live!  I am so glad I have a second chance to do it!!!

Here I am in my beautiful new dress dancing all night at my Moscow High School Class reunion.

 Here is Tim and I at the same event.  Who would have thought that I would ever look smaller than my husband?!?!?

That dress is a size Large.  WHAT?!?!?!  a large. Size 14  So hard to believe since I started out on this journey in a size 3x or 28.  Un-freakin-believable!!!!

Here is where we get the nitty gritty..... the numbers.  They don't lie!

Started weight:  338, Current weight: 185
Starting BMI: 55.4  Current BMI: 30.3
Starting Neck measurement:  16.25  Current: 13.25
Starting Bicept measurement: 16.75  Current: 13
Starting Wrist measurement: 7  Current: 6.25
Starting Bust measurement: 53.5  Current: 40.5
Starting Bra Size: 44DDD, Current Bra size: 36DDD
Starting Waist measurement: 53  Current: 37
Starting Hips measurement:  61  Current:  44.25
Starting Thigh measurement:  34  Current: 24.5
Starting Calf measurement:  20 Current: 15.25
Starting Ankle Measurement:  10 Current: 9

Total Weigh Lost: 153 pounds  
Total Inches lost:  68.5 inches ( 5 ft 8.5 inches)
Total BMI Points Lost: 25.1

Pictures to burn???

I recently was cleaning up some files on my computer and found some pictures.  These pictures are not pretty.  They are not flattering.  They are pictures that I would have most likely deleted if I had found them 2 years ago.  They make me cringe.  How did I ever get that Fat?  How did I ever not see myself in the mirror?  How did I believe myself when I would say "it isn't THAT bad"?

It WAS that bad.  It was worse than I imagined.  I lied to myself.  I lied to others.  I hid from the truth.  The sad sad truth.  I was fat.  Unhealthy. Dying inside my huge body.

But here is the thing..... I took a chance on me.  I made a huge decision to change my life.  I will never go back to that girl.  To that huge unhealthy body.  I will continue until I die to eat appropriate portions, choose my food wisely, and move my body.

For anyone reading this that is overweight, please consider making a change.  It *IS* that bad.  You do need to do something about it.  Stop lying to yourself.  Go find yourself a full length mirror.  Take your clothes off and stand in front of the mirror.  Jump up and down, bend over, twist, move.  If you don't like what you see then NOW is the time to change it.  Don't wait until you are 338 pounds.  Don't wait until you have no other options but surgical intervention.  You CAN change.  You can make better choices and get healthier.

And I will cheer you on, offer you support, and help motivate you in any way I can.  :)  Love yourself enough. I did.  And I will never regret loving myself enough to make a change!  <3

15 Month Update

I have been neglecting my blog.  I have just been so busy living my life.  LOL  But I thought  I would post a few pictures and my stats!

First the stats.

As of 1/19/13 (my 15 month anniversary)  I have lost:

141 pounds.  (started at 338, now 197)

23.1 BMI points

2.5 inches off my neck
10.5 inches off my bust
14 inches off my waist
13.75 inches off my hips
3.75 inches off my upper arm
.75 of an inch off my wrist
8.75 inches off my thigh
3.75 inches off my calf
.75 if an inch off my ankle

All of that adds up to a total loss of 58.5 inches.

CRAZY Crazy crazy!

Here is my latest side by sides!

:)  I am so happy with where I am and what I have accomplished!  I am only 32 pounds from my goal weight!  :)

165 I am coming for you!