first glimpse of my belly button

On January 6th I went in for my 1st week followup at Spokane Plastic Surgeons with Dr. Buchanan He unveiled my belly button.  LOL  He took the saran wrap off and gauze.  then he asked for a pair of tweezers and pulled out at least 18 inches worth of thin gauze that was packed into my belly button.   This is what was left.  A very red, angry and nasty looking belly button!  

Then Dr. Buchanan reviewed my drain log that my husband had been so diligently keeping.  He decided the right drain was ready to come out but the left was still collecting too much fluid.

He removed the right drain.  I was prepared for it to hurt.  But as I said before I don't really have any feeling in the skin layers.  So it was only slightly uncomfortable at the site of the hole itself when he clipped the stitches.    

Here is what was left..... Incision tape, left drain, nasty belly button!  Still swollen.

Then much to my horror Dr. B asked for gauze strips, ointment and tweezers.  He covered a 12-18 inch strip of thin gauze in the ointment and then proceeded to use the tweezers to shove the gauze into my angry belly button!  I have never before be so thankful that I couldn't feel it!  Tim had to look away but i was totally fascinated with the whole process.  Then Dr. B added a gauze pad over the top and put the saran wrap bandage over the top again.

We scheduled another appointment for the following week and walked out of the office!

Close up of 1st week - Incision/drains

I am putting these pictures up for those that want to see the whole story.  Tummy Tucks are not Spa Treatments.  TT is a serious abdominal surgery that comes with risks and lots of recovery time.  

This is my left hip on January 4th, about 5 days after surgery.  

 I still have significant bruising from the liposuction and the drain tube is stitched into my skin to prevent it from sliding out.

This is my right hip.  

And this is the view from the front.  I still ad not looked at my belly bitton as it was under some saran wrap type of bandage that kept it dry when I shower.  I was honestly afraid of my belly button and what it would look like at this point.   

The other weird thing about recovering from this surgery is that you basically have no feeling at the skin level.  My abdomin is mostly numb still even 4 weeks out from surgery.  When they separate the skin from the muscle wall to pull it down it breaks the nerve paths.  So while my Abs hurt, and the drains hurt my actual incision has little to no feeling.  Same with my belly button.

You can see the bloated and swollen look to my stomach as well.

The first few days.....

I'm not gonna lie.... the first few days after surgery were painful.  And difficult.  And exhausting for my husband!  I slept all the time.  I would only wake up to eat, drink, pee and take my medicines.

Here is where my husband became a total ROCKSTAR in my book!  I am putting a picture of him up right here that I love.  Not taken during this week of recovery but when he looks great and calm and cool!

Now anyone that knows my husband knows that Tim he doesn't do "gross".  He will tell you in the history of his life he has never changed anyone else's diapers but the babies that belong to him.  When one of the kids puke, if he is forced to clean it up he will throw sheets away, clothes away and toys away before he will clean it.  If one of the kids dropped something into the toilet he may fish it out, but the toilet item goes straight into the trash!  And don't even get me started on how he reacted to the things that came out of my body during the births of our 4 kids.

So I have to say that when the nurses showed Tim how to strip and empty my drains in the hospital I was skeptical that he would be able to handle it.  I seriously considered who I could call to come over a few times a day the first week to help me with it.  Much to my surprise and happiness Tim never faltered.  Now Sara did note the first time Tim did it in the hospital he was white as a sheet.  But once at home he did great. Now there was some complaining involved and some gross noises made but he did it.  A few times a day.  Without Fail.

So the process is that you release the valve plug on the drain.  You put your fingers around the drain tube right next to my body and strip the fluid that is in the tube down so that it all collects into the drain bottle.  Then you empty the contents of said bottle into a measuring cup.  You then note how much fluid was collected out of the right and then the left drains separately.  You dispose of fluid collected, and then squeeze the air out of the drain collection bottle and replace the valve plug.  

Here is the drain records that Tim kept for me the first 2 weeks.

Tim also kept track of all my medicine on a log.  I'm sad that I can't find and show you the one he kept because I must have thrown it away.  But it was something similiar to this log I created for myself after Tim went back to work.

Tim took 6 days off of work to help care for me.  He logged my drains, my pain meds and made sure I ate and drank.  He set an alarm on his phone for every 3 hours so I would get my pain meds on a schedule.    He even got up in the middle of the night every 3 hours to get my pain pills.  I would barely wake up enough to sip water from the straw cup and swallow whatever pill he gave me!  He was an incredible nurse!

And I was a hot mess.  The pain meds and valium made me weird emotionally.  And feel weird physically.  I was relaxed and hyper at the same time.  I would talk a million miles a minute and then suddenly fall asleep in the middle of a conversation.  Numerous times I would be trying to type something from my phone to text or facebook and drop my phone on my face because I feel asleep.  Tim would take my phone away and put me back to bed.   It was messy and funny and crazy all at the same time!

Physically I was afraid of my incision.  It was so long and looked so scary.  I have to wear a binder for the first 6 weeks.  The one they gave me in the hospital is so uncomfortable.  It rides up and the velcro is itchy.  I can't get in and ut of it by myself.  Here are a few pictures of how I looked the first few days:

Here is my totally ridiculous binder.  And you can seethe drains hanging of my hips.  the collection bottles hitthe foor.  I still don't know why Dr. Buchanan left them so long!  LOL

Here is what my incision looked like the first week.  It is still covered my a steri strip kind of bandaid/tape/

The incision and my drain on the left

 Incision and drain on the right. 

In the side views you can also see the areas of bruising on my hips and butt from the liposuction.

Here are some full body pictures.  

 My legs looks swollen as well.  And they are.  When he made his incisions he disrupted the lymphatic system that helps get rid of toxins and fluids from your body.  So my thighs were sloshy and swollen for a few weeks. And measurable larger around..... much to my disgust!

Thankful heart

I started this blog way back in 2011 when I started down the path on my journey to get healthy.  I have shared my successes and failures and tried to be as honest and open as I can be or dare to be.  In the past few days I have tried to chronicle my recent Abdominoplasty and tell my story of recovery.  But I feel like I need to take a break form that and just express my joy.  I had my plastic surgery on December 30 and today is January 29th.  So I am almost a month out from that experience. And how how that 30 days has been a roller coaster of emotions.  But today I feel joy.

When I started dating my husband in 1994 I has just graduated from high school.  My body at that time was still 30+ pounds heavier than my peers.  But I had this inner love for myself and this unbelievable confidence.  I was the first one to tell my friends she was beautiful and to not let little things like the size of her ass stop her from being who she really wanted to be.  I had this sass that was never ending.  I was confident to a fault in some cases... I came on strong with the guys I wanted.  But was just as quick to say that I didn't "need" a man.  I was finding my way.  I wanted to find a man that could partner with me.  I didn't want to be subservient in any way.  I wanted a partner and I wanted someone to love me for my sass, attitude and my confidence.  I wanted someone who wouldn't be afraid of me.  But I also wanted to be cherished and adored and understood.  I wanted someone to see what a loyal friend I am and how family means everything to me.  I wanted someone to see that I would do the right thing no matter how hard it was.  I wanted someone to see that personal growth is hard but it is sooo worth it,

I remember having this picture taken at a local park

Look at that Confidence!  I was thick through my hips and butt and had a great set of perky tits!  i looked forward at my life and thought.... I can DO ANYTHING!  I will achieve my goals.  I will have  husband and kids.  I will have friends and family and nothing will stop me.

I met my husband and was friends with him for a few years before he convinced me that he was worthy to date!  (sorry babe but it's the truth.... you had to crawl from the friend zone to the date-able zone).  But by us being friends first I knew he knew how I was.  He was actually ATTRACTED to my self confidence and not intimated by it.  And thus we began building a life together.  That one kiss on New Years Eve in 1994 changed the course of my life.  We both broke up with our respective "others".  I was sick of being treated badly by my current "boyfriend" (I use quotes because even though that's what he was he never let me call him that).  I wanted and deserved more in a relationship.  That AMAZING kiss from Tim changed my life.  Well that and the way he treated me like a queen from that moment to this one and plans to be that way for the rest of my life!

So thus began the start of my beautiful life.  I still have the same 4 best girl friends all the way from grade school and high school. I am still madly in love with my husband. I gave birth to 4 beautiful children who are my world.

But somewhere in these past 20 years I lost part of me.  Somewhere between losing my dad, my grandparents I lost a part of my happiness.  Somewhere in there dealing with a difficult extended family dynamic I lost part of feeling I was worthy of being loved unconditionally.  Somewhere in there while sharing my body with 4 babies and exclusively breastfeeding for a total of over 5 years I lost part of my sexy.  And in having babies and dealing with loss I forgot that food was for fuel and not comfort.  I gained 160+ pounds and lost a piece of my self confidence and my sass.  And somewhere along the way I replaced all those attributes with self loathing, anger, anxiety, resentment and fear.  Oh so much fear.

Then one day I got left on the side of a trail in Glacier National Park.  Read this to understand that reference.  And I decided that I wanted to find the parts of me that where missing and give back the negative parts that had replaced them.  I dug deep and found that courageous girl inside of me and she made the awesome decision to have Gastric Bypass Surgery.

This Beautiful courageous girl made the best decision of my life!

And then I set to work to loss the weight.  And with every pound I lost I also dealt with my anger and anxiety and resentment and fear.  I did my deal of changing my lifestyle.  I ate better, moved my ass and lost the weight,  Along the way I did what I call the "head work".  I figured out why I was resentful, fearful, angry and self loathing.  And with the pounds that I lost I lost those ugly things about myself too.  I'm not saying that I'm perfect.... cause I am still far from it.  But that girl 20 years ago wasn't afraid of personal growth and neither was the girl 3 years ago and neither am I now.

When the opportunity to have plastic surgery on my stomach came to me I felt it was the next natural step in my journey to health.  The recurrent skin infections and floppy skin prevented me from fully enjoying my life. I held onto a bit of the self loathing and anxiety in that apron of skin.  So I jumped at the chance to have it removed.  

When I woke up after surgery and got to see my new body that Dr. Buchanan from Spokane Plastic Surgeons had contoured for me I was amazed.  I was also drugged and not really in a place to fully appreciate the gift I had been given.  But in the days and weeks that have followed I have healed and my head is clear from the pain meds.  I have been able to take stock of the gift as well as what I lost and gained from that surgery!

I lost a bunch of skin.  And with that big 28 inch incision, Dr. Buchanan's gifted hands also removed the last bit of self loathing and anxiety about my body that I had been holding onto.  I gained a cute belly button and I found my sass.  I took back my self confidence. And oh my, oh my, I brought my SEXY back!  

I have come to realize that this person that I have been working on for the past 20 years has come full circle.  I got my sass and self confidence back but I also have wisdom and life experience to balance it with.  I found my happiness that I laid down somewhere along the way.  Not because being thin makes me happy, but because being who I was always meant to be inside makes me happy.

So now I have this beautiful life that I have built over 20 years with a man that I am madly in love with, and 4 amazing kids.  I still have the best friends I have always had, that have weathered this storm with me.  I have repaired and got to a healthy place with my extended family.    I have my self confidence back, my sass, and my sexy!

Today I feel like that 19 year old girl again that just got kissed by the man of her dreams!  That my life is full of endless possibilities.  That I am unstoppable.

I am thankful to all of you that helped me find my way back to me.  My husband, my family, my best friends Megan, Sara, Stephanie and Sarah, my kids, my DS2 support group family, my new friends, my old friends, Dr Buchanan, Dr. Spitz (WLS Surgeon) Some of you didn't know me then but you have still helped get this girl back to being: Authentically, perfectly, wonderfully Jen.

<3

Day after Surgery

I woke up and immediately wanted to brush my teeth, get the catheter out and drink some coffee.  And I was starving at this point.  I hadn't eaten anything really since Sunday and it was now Wednesday.  And i REALLY wanted coffee.  Sarah goes to get me coffee and Sara tried to order me some breakfast.  We hit a snag.  My diet says full liquid only.  Nurse has to call Dr. to get it changed. Thankfully Sarah arrived back with my coffee so I didn't have to strangle anyone.

Pretty soon after that my favorite doctor in the whole world arrives!!!!!  Dr. Buchanan from Spokane Plastic Surgeons takes a look at my incision.  And we get our first look at it as well.

I am admiring the new placement of my belly button!  And DAMN that incision is LONG!

In order to avoid the "dog ear" flaps of skin that can sometimes flop over your scar, Dr. B cut the incision as far as he could down to the operating room table and then liposuction the fat away to contour it above my scar.  No "dog ears" for me!  He chased the dog ears to the table and extended the liposuction past where he originally planned so that my incision would look natural.  Well as natural as an incision can look.  The incision is 28 inches long.

The red tube is my drain.

 Drain on left hip

 Look how flat my stomach already looks!!!!

   Close up of the drain.

Then we talked about how great of a job Dr. B did.  He addressed all of my problem areas.  When he sewed me back together he pulled the abdominal skin down but also the upper thigh and pubis mound skin up as well.  That resulted in a nice lift of my pubic mound, vagina and upper thighs.  I am NOT gonna post any before and afters of that.... but trust me, the change is significant and very awesome!

Here is Dr. B, putting my incision pads and binder back on me.  He has the most awesome, caring gentle bedside manner I have ever experienced in a Dr.  Even when he was emptying my drains he was kind and compassionate because he knew it hurt.  He is just a really awesome person!

That binder is very uncomfortable to wear so he told me what my other options are (i.e. girdles/spanx) because I have to wear the binder for at least 6 weeks.  Longer if I can stand it!  My belly button got cut down to just a tiny nub!  But because of that trimming it will most likely take the longest to heal because of decreased blood supply.  I will have swelling in my upper legs and vagina as the lymph channels reconnect and start to work to move the fluid out.  

Dr. Buchanan changed my meal in the computer to full diet so I could eat and told me he would check on me again around 11am before he would discharge me.  In order to be discharged I had to be off the IV meds, hold down food,  able to urinate, and take all my medicines orally.

Finally I could order some food!  Eggs with cheese, sausage and toast. 

The air in the hospital is dry plus I had to have a oxygen cannula for most of the day before.  So I ended up slathering on Burts Bees chapstick on my lips and finally asked for some saline drops for my nose.  I wish I would have had some hand lotion too.

After I ate some breakfast I wanted to try to pee again.  No dice.  But I did take that opportunity to get dressed.  Dr. B thought it might help to walk the halls a bit to see if we could wake up my bladder muscles.  And I was NOT doing that in a hospital gown!  Tim arrives and helps me dress in my yoga pants and finally some underwear!  

Sara, Tim and I walking laps.  Don't ya love the "blood grenades" hanging of my hips?!?!?

Walking made the urge to pee be there but still no dice on the release.  I took a nap in bed, woke up hungry.  Sara's notes say I ate 1/4 of a chicken quesadilla.  I don't really remember that at all.  Sarah left sometime around here to relieve the other babysitter at home.  Around 11:30 they decide to scan  my bladder to make sure I am making urine.  

  

Bladder scan shows that my bladder is mostly empty.  Constant urge might be from swelling.  Dr. B orders more fluids through my IV to see if we can get bladder to fill so we can test if it will empty. They tell me to relax and not think about bladder!  LOL  I take another nap as pain meds kick in. Somewhere in there the nurse trains Tim how to empty my drains.  He goes a little white when she shows him.  He seems overwhelmed but manages to put a brave face forward.  (he never had a problem once we were home.)  

At some point Dr. Buchanan comes back in to check on me again and I get a quick picture with him!

And here he is just cool as a cucumber talking with me.  He is just a calm chill Dr. that puts you at ease!  

Around 1pm the fluids are all in and they order another bladder scan.  This time it shows my bladder is starting to fill.  Good News!!!!  I keep asking for my pain meds and we are keeping track on when I can have my next dose.  And then I would get hungry again!  This time Tim went down the road to my favorite Italian restaurant and brought me back my favorite soup!  The waiter gave him a chocolate dessert that I shared with him!

Finally I could PEE!!!!  Now things are rolling.  They give me last dose of IV antibiotics, a shot of heprin and more valium.  Then I took a nap!  When I woke up they took out my IV and went over our discharge instructions.  I signed the papers at 3pm and Sara got ready to leave.  I gave her  a hug goodbye.  

We both were ready to walk out of there!  Sara got to leave but Tim and I hit a snag.  We realized that if we left then I would need my pain meds in less than an hour. There was no way we could get me home and get to the pharmacy to get my medicine before my next dose was due.  And I was not leaving the hospital until we had a good plan for controlling my pain.    So we decided to wait until I got my next dose of pain meds from the hospital so we would have 3 hours until my next dose was due at home.  Worked out perfectly!

Here I am snuggled upon my nest at home with my guard cat Bella to keep me safe.

Me, completely passed out after my 1st dose of at home percocet!  They are stronger that the ones at the hospital!  Thank You Dr. Buchanan!

Waking Up

When you wake up from any surgery you are obviously groggy.  And in pain,  But that is always secondary for me to wanting to see my family.  For all 3 of the surgeries I have ever had (gall bladder removal, GBS and my TT) the first thing I say when I am wake in recovery is "I want to see my family.  Where is my family?"   Then I usually start complaining about the pain and wanting more drugs! :)

This surgery was no different. I woke up and said "where are my sisters?"  And they told me I had to be more awake before I could be moved out of recovery.  As I started to wake up more I was in more pain... So I asked for more pain meds.  And every time they would come check on me I would say " Where is my family?  I want to see my sisters." Eventually they took me to my room.  The notes that my sister Sara wrote said it took them about an hour.  My surgery itself took from 11:08am until about 4pm. and I got to my room around 5pm.

The Dr. Buchanan from Spokane Plastic Surgeons came out sometime around 4pm and gave Sarah & Sara the update on me.  Surgery went well.  Lots of liposuction on my hips and butt (what girl doesn't want to hear that?!?!?).  No hernias.  I will feel very tight in my abs when I wake up.  Probably will walk hunched over and the bed well need to be more upright than flat.  I have to wear the abdominal binder for at least 6 week. Dr. B. told Sara and Sarah that I had a 5cm gap at the top of my ab muscles. And that tapered down to a 3.5 to 4cm gap at the bottom of my abs that he spent lots of time stitching back together.  That is what will be the most painful for the longest time.  The stitches dissolve inside over 6 months time to allow that connective tissue and muscle time to scar and heal back together.  I also have 2 drain tubes coming off my hips that will collect the fluid from my abdomen as I heal.  Dr. B. usually likes these to come out at the 2 week check.  He also would like me up walking around as soon as I am able to avoid blood clots.  He plans to come check on me the next day.

Once I get to the room they finally allow Sara to come back in.  (Sarah ended up leaving for a few hours to teach a yoga class).  I remember asking her for a hug and holding on for a long time.  I did not want to let her go.  She made me feel safe and grounded and like I was back on the earth again.  I asked for Tim and Sarah and was disappointed they weren't there yet.

Drugs were obviously working at this point!

This is when things get super hazy for me.... The IV drugs they were giving me have a very short half life, meaning you really have to stay on top of asking for more because if you don't, the pain can overtake you.  At 5:50pm they administered a flu shot that I don't remember consenting to.  In fact Sara noted that when the nurse asked me which arm I wanted it in I replied "I have arms?"  so I am not sure how she thought I could give consent to a flu shot, but whatever.  Sadly, Tim arrived just 4 minutes later.  Had he been in the room he would have delayed them in giving it to me until I was more awake.... or just declined it altogether.

But I was super happy to see him!!!

At around 6:30pm Dr. B. stopped by to check on me.  I do not remember this at all.  Thankfully Sara kept notes for me!  He updated my medicine and told the nurses to keep giving my the Valium every 2 hours.  Apparently that is a muscle relaxer.  And OMG I swear I loved being on Valium.  It helped manage my pain so well.  Dr. B gave good orders for my medicine.  We were supposed to switch back and forth from percocet to valium all night to manage the pain.  It was a good plan!

Then I felt the urge to pee.  Back during my prep before surgery I had asked Dr. B, to have the urine catheter placed after I was knocked out and removed before I woke up.  I had previously had 2 bad experiences with urine catheters (during my birth with Kaleb and Jasmyn)  and just didn't want to feel or deal with them.  Dr. B. agreed because he wanted me to move a little bit after surgery to avoid blood clots.  So if I didn't have the catheter I would have to move. Win Win, right?  WRONG!  OMG it hurt so bad to move.  I raised the head of the bed all the way up and lowered my feet to the floor. OUCH.  I hurt everywhere from my breasts to my pubic line.  I hunched over like an old woman and shuffled to the bathroom with Tim by my side.  I sit down to try to pee and nothing happens.  I can feel a full bladder but my body won't release it.

When I head back to my bed I get super hot.  Now at this point I should have known to ask for pain meds.  But I didn't.  Instead I asked for a fan.  By the time they got me a fan I was in trouble with the pain.  I asked for pain meds at 7:30pm.  7:30 pm is also shift change for the nurses.  This is a BIG PROBLEM.  Everything slows down while they do their reports on each patient.  So my nurse is in the room and she is handing me off to the new nurse and then a helper nurse comes in.  I am begging for pain meds.  I am sweating and shaking and crying.  The helper nurse is asking me if i want Apple juice.  I tell her "No I want pain meds".  And this is where I lost my cool.  I start yelling at the 3 nurses in the room.  I tell apple juice nurse that if she doesn't have to be here that she should leave.  She rips her gloves off and stomps out the door.  I tell the other two nurses that I could care less about their report and that I just want my pain meds.  I am yelling that Dr. Buchanan had already given them my pain meds plan and that I needed them to go get my fucking pain meds.  I think I may have even said that my anesthesiologist had told me not to be a hero and just take the pain meds. .  This was not met with much sympathy from the nurses.  I doubt they liked getting yelled at.  And Tim looked at me like.... Please stop being a bitch.  But I did not care.  I was hurting, sweating, and tensing every single muscle in my body and shaking uncontrollably.  Finally at 7:50 after 20 minutes of begging for pain meds they brought me a cocktail of IV meds, percocet and valium.   And then because some of the meds are oral pills it took about 15 more minutes for them to fully kick in.  It was horrible.  But once we got through that I was Ok for the rest of my stay in regard to pain management,  Righter after that I fell asleep and Sara sent Tim home to be with our kids.

Through out the next few hours they kept my pain controlled and gave me antibiotics and blood thinners, checked my vitals and tried to get me to try peeing again.  I tried but it just didn't happen.  And since I was up and my pain was well controlled I decided I wanted the stupid hospital gown OFF and my own bra and tank top on.  The pinned the drains to the sides of my tank top so I could move more freely.  They tried to get me to wear some ridiculous maternity panties but I choose to go commando instead! I apologized to my new nurse for losing my cool and yelling at her.  She was very gracious and told me I wasn't even the worst patient she has ever had. :)  I At this point I just want to sleep and not worry about wetting the damn bed or having to get up again.  I am regretting ever telling Dr. B. to  take out my catheter in the OR.  With much despair I ask the nurse to recath me so I can just sleep.  She does and I finally feel relief after several hours of feeling the urge to pee but not being able to release.

Apple juice nurse comes back with juice and I apologize for kicking her out of my room. :)

I called and told my kids and husband goodnight and that I would see them the next day.  Even little Harlie spoke to me for a minute!  At around 11pm I decide I am hungry and they bring me chicken noodle soup.  I cant sit up to eat it so Sarah (who arrived some where around the tank top dressing part) decides she will feed me.  I just love that girl!  I only took a few bites and it was pretty gross.... but I just love Sarah for caring for me in that moment.

My biggest pain complaint was a burning sensation in both my hips.  I thought it was from the drains, but really I now realize it was from the liposuction.  I had some significant bruising from the liposuction!

Sara and Sarah decide to stay over at some point,  My 2 sisters slept cuddled up together on this tiny little couch cot thing all night.  The nurses kept bringing my pain meds on schedule so I was good to just sleep the night away.  Sara took several notes at various times throughout the night about nurse visits that I slept through.  I swear I have the best sisters ever!

When I woke up after only about 4 hours of sleep I was much more alert. I wanted to hear my Aunt Kathy's voice.  They live 3 time zones ahead so I thought for sure they would be up.  They weren't.  She answered and we poke for about a minute.  Sorry Kathy!

I slept off and on for a few more hours until around 7am.  The nurses took care of my drains a few times over the night.  It burned a lot when they stripped the fluid out of the tube into the collection bottle.  Mostly the burning was at the liposuction sights,  Not sure why that was because the drain ends where nearer to my navel.

Surgery Day

Best Laid Plans....... went to crap.  Harlan my 5 year old woke up with a fever.  I didn't know what to do.  There was no way I would consider cancelling my surgery for a fever that could resolve in a few hours.  But I also didn't want Harlan to suffer with feeling crappy ad not have his regular care givers be here for him.  A decision had to be made in the best interest of Harlan.  Who stays with him?  Who comes with me?  And then I got selfish too.  I wanted the right people with me too.  This was a big decision.  Lots of factors to consider.  After much hushed discussion in our dark bedroom snuggling our feverish and sick baby, Tim and I decided to change the plan.

Tim stays home with Harlie.  My sisters, by choice not blood, Sara and Sarah would come with me to the hospital. A few quick texts and a phone call were sent to get Sarah to come pick me up and have Sara meet us at the hospital.  I showered, blew my hair dry, decided against straightening it since I was having surgery not going to a fashion parade. Got dressed.  Took off my Jewelry.  Double checked my bag.  Took my thyroid meds with the smallest sip of water.  Then I kissed my 4 babies goodbye, gave my husband a hug and a kiss and tried not to cry.

Sarah chatted my ear off on the way to the hospital.  We talked about nonsense... or at least I don't remember what we talked about.  Sarah achieved her goal in keeping me outta my head and in a good mood.  Sarah and I got to the hospital first and went to check in.  Sara was a few minutes behind us.  We did the business end first.  Answered next of Kin, advance directive type questions.  Signed the consent to treat forms and then went back to the waiting room to meet up with Sara and wait some more.

Next step was to actually admit me into the hospital.  This part I had to do alone.  They do not allow family in the prep area.  I'm sure it makes it faster for the staff but it is nerve wrecking for the patient.  I just wanted my sisters.  I had to put on the ugly gown, and gross slipper socks. The took a urine sample to test me for pregnancy.  First time in my life I ever prayed for a pregnancy test to be negative!  LOL  It was.  Then they put my IV in.  I was very happy she found a juicy vein in  my wrist that was the perfect location for the IV and did not bother me at all my whole hospital stay.

Here is my selfie of my IV!

I am pretty sure they also gave me a dose of antibiotics in my IV as well.

The Anesthesiologist came in next to clear me for surgery.  He examined my throat and asked about previous anesthesia experiences.   All was good.

I asked for my sisters.  The Nurses FINALLY let them come in. I felt relief just seeing their faces.  They brought me a heart shaped rock.  I finagled all the surgical staff and my Dr to let me bring the rock into the operating room.  In a plastic bag.  I think they put it in my sock!

Here are my Girls.... Keeping things light and happy!

I can not even begin to say how much I love my sisters.  Through thick, thin, divorce, breakups, weddings, moving each other 100s of times, job losses, abusive boyfriends, weight loss journeys, lost pregnancies, infertility, health issues, deaths of close family, births and everything in between we have stood strong together. My other "not by blood but choice" sisters Stephanie and Megan were with me in spirit. I could feel all the love of these strong women surrounding me!

Every person that walked into my room was fun and cheerful and so caring,  The nurses laughed and joked with us.  My surgery nurse was so sweet and nice as well.  I just felt loved and cared for.  I was not scared or fearful.  Just so much anticipation and excitement!

Dr. Buchanan walked in and I felt such a sense of ease with him in the room.  He was interested in meeting my sisters and immediately figured out we were having fun and kept to business with a big splash of fun!  He had me sign the HUGE official 10 page consent form for surgery.  He signed too,  It wasn't scary to sign, even though the info on those pages can be a bit daunting.  Dr. B gave me a copy to review the day before so I knew exactly what I was signing and I had time to formulate some questions which he answered before I signed.  I just can't say enough good things about Dr. Buchanan's bedside manner.  He is a dream come true in a Doctor.  He is caring and compassionate, professional and efficient.

Next came the most important part for me.... when Dr. B drew lines all over me to show where he was gonna cut and liposuction.  We discussed how my tummy is asymmetrical and how he would fix that in surgery.  He drew the lines where he though he would liposuction. My sisters took some pictures.  I will post the cropped pictures below.  Feel free to not look! ;)

Side view - Red Marks are Liposuction areas.  Black line is the area of skin to remove.  Basically from Belly Button down will be cut off!

Front view - The arrow line shows my midline is asymmetrical.  He will repair that when he moves my belly button.

Lots of extra skin needs to be cut off!  Let's get it DONE!

Lisa, my awesome nurse puts these nifty inflatable socks on my legs to help prevent blood clots.  I also got a shot of heparin for the same reason.

Here are my socks!

Dr. Buchanan told me he will see me in the operating room and then Lisa tells me to hug my sisters and that it was time to go.  I give my sister love and just know in my heart that I would be fine.  All the love in my little world and the skilled hands of my doctor and the awesome nurses would bring me through!

I was wheeled into the operating room down the hall at 11:08am.  I remember transferring myself from the bed to the table, the nurses strapping my arms down and pushing the relaxation medicine into my IV.  

Processing the decision

After I left Spokane Plastic Surgery's office I sat in my car for a minute to process the series of blessings that had just been given to me.  Amazing Health Care Insurance through my husband's hard work at a job he loves.  The right stars aligned to get me to Dr. Buchanan.  Remember I had tried to get a referral back in August, before my WLS Dr. V had even met Dr. Buchanan.  She was going to send me to the Dr in Idaho.  By having to wait for the referral until November it allowed these two drs to meet and build a relationship.  And then the right people work at SPS.  Alicia and Toni and Pauline went to bat for me with my Insurance company.   Dr. B was willing to try to get the surgery scheduled before the end of the year.  He motivated his awesome staff who obviously respect and admire him and worked hard to get it all to happen!  I have worked really hard to keep up on my supplements and iron and take care of myself in order to be healthy enough for surgery.  How many missteps could have happened?!?!?  Even 1 piece of the puzzle out of place could have ruined the whole thing.  All of it is such an overwhelming blessing I had to take a moment and feel it.  Tears were shed.

Then I activated my phone tree!  LOL I called my husband who was in total shock.   I got my sisters (by choice not blood) motivated and informed.  We made a plan of who was going with me, who was staying with my kids.  I called my Mom and my Aunt Kathy to give them all the news. Surgery was a go!!!!

WOW!!!  It is really gonna happen!!!

More planning.... Amber is gonna take my kids to and from school the week after next.  Tim let his boss know he really was gonna be gone for a week.  I stocked up our fridge and pantry.  I made menus for Tim.  I tried to make chore lists for the kids but in the end figured I would be too drugged to care and once  I did care I could tell them what I wanted done.

I packed a bag and gathered all my paperwork I needed to take with me to the hospital.  I posted my news on facebook.  Here is what it said:

I have debated putting this on FB. Part of me wants to keep it a secret. But the bigger part of me wants to share my journey. Wanting to keep it a secret is linked to shame. But I realize that I have nothing to be ashamed of! I started at 340pounds. I had gastric bypass surgery. I worked my ass off and lost 165pounds. And that my friends leaves a bunch of extra skin and complications that come with it. So I consulted a surgeon. We submitted to my insurance company. The Insurance company approved an abdominoplasty (removal of extra skin on tummy, tightening of muscles, and some contouring) on Christmas Eve! My surgeon pulled some strings and got it scheduled for the 30th. Tomorrow morning I am taking the next step in my journey to health! My hubby will be updating this thread tomorrow as I go under the knife! Wish me luck! Much love to all of my fb family and friends!!!

The responses I received from my family and friends was OVERWHELMING!!!!   So much love and encouragement.  Over 100 people liked and commented on my status.  The whole thread was full of love.  Just pure love and well wishes.  One person's comment that really stands out is my Cousin in law Steve Bell that told me:

You are answering a prayer, that I said for you when you told me you were having the [weight loss] surgery!  Thank you for not being ashamed, you brought a smile to my face.

I love you Steve.  Not only because you loved me through my weight loss journey but also because you loved and respected me before it.  You accepted me into your family with open arms and most importantly an open heart.  And the fact that you prayed for me and my health when I was starting my journey means so much to me.  And you ALWAYS bring a smile to my face.

There is just so much love in that comment thread that I can't even take it all in at once.  I go back and process more and more of it every time I read it.  I feel loved BEYOND MEASURE!

So the night before my surgery, when I was expecting anxiety and sleeplessness,  I feel asleep feeling the love and prayers of all those loved ones surrounding me.  <3

A picture of Steve and I and his lovely wife Ladeena

Clear Liquids & Test Results Day

As most everyone know the day before a surgery you usually have to only have clear liquids.  Especially if it is an abdominal surgery.  So the 29th the day of my sons actual 12th birthday turns out to be clear liquids day for me.  My kids get to choose what they eat on their birthday.  He wants pancakes, eggs and bacon for breakfast.  My mouth was already watering for some eggs and bacon when he requested it the day before.  I tried to talk him out of it and say do just pancakes (which I never eat anyway).  Nope.  He wants the whole spread.  It as torture of me, but I did it!  He got his favorite breakfast and  I drank herbal tea.

Yes that's right.  I was still feeling dehydrated from bowel prep day so I figured I should avoid caffeinated beverages since they tend to dehydrate you.  So no coffee for me either.  Kill.Me.Now!  And wish my children luck to get through this day alive.

I drank tea and apple juice and ate jello.  I tried several kinds of flavored broths.  All of which were vile and horrible. I made myself some lemonade (powdered as no pulp allowed) and drank Sobee free water.  I tried to lay low and stay away from the children because I had a caffeine withdrawal and hunger headache.  Oh My... I was a bear to be around!

But today is the day I get the blood test results.  My appointment was at 1:30pm.  I was so nervous.  And tired and hungry and dealing with some residual bowel prep day issues.  LOL

I check into Spokane Plastic Surgery Office.  Toni and the rest of the staff greet me warmly!  I am starting to get excited.  Everyone seems happy and that things are going well.  Maybe my surgery will be a go!  I sit down and hold my breath.  I stare at my phone wishing that I would have brought someone with me to hold my hand.   Very soon after that the nurse calls me back.  It's Pauline.  She is my Angel.  And she's smiling too.  My heart skips a beat.

She takes me back into the room and tells me to undress all the way and put on the white fluffy robe.  This time I smile and say Ok.  No period to contend with and I took extra time in the shower to trim the hedges and shave my legs.  This time I am photo ready! I quickly get undressed put the robe on and sit on the exam chair and wait.  It seems to take longer this time for them to come back in.  I remember staring at the poster on the wall but I could not tell you right now what the poster actually depicts.  But at that moment it was all I could stare at.  And all I could think about.

Knock knock.  I say to come in and Pauline my angel face nurse and Dr. Buchanan enter.  They are smiling and start asking me how my bowel prep went.  I know I made a few jokes about it, but I can't remember what I said.  I told them I was starving and had a headache from clear liquids day.  All I could focus on was the file in his hands.  It holds my blood test results.  Dr. B sits down and opens the file.  I ask as nonchalantly as possible, "so how does my blood work look?"  In my head it felt nonchalant, however I probably wasn't masking my true fear very well.  I could tell by how quickly Dr. B. looked at me and then back at the file and answered, "they look fine.  You're a little anemic but most post WLS patients are.  It isn't anything to worry about as long as you are taking your supplements.  You are taking your vitamins and iron, right?"  I answer, "yes I am."  And then I try again to be nonchalant and ask "So surgery is a go?"  Dr. B looks up, gives me a warm smile and says "Of course".  I look at Pauline and she is smiling too and nodding in agreement.  A wave of relief and fear and shock rolls over me.  I start to tear up a little bit.  I told them that I didn't let myself believe it was really gonna happen until I got the blood test results back.  I told them in short choppy sentences that probably only made sense to me about unmade freezer meals, and unplanned recovery time, and fear of being disappointed.  I told them how they were making my dreams of being beautiful and healthy and fixing my body images all come true.  I'm not sure that they understood the gravity of what I was saying or how deeply I was feeling my emotions in that moment.  But they nodded along and smiled and reassured me that all was well.  Surgery was gonna happen. Tomorrow.

Dr. B wanted more pictures.  Hopefully he will burn the period panties pictures from our first encounter and replace them with the lovely clean shaven version! We discussed some specific questions I had about my scar, went over recovery instructions and some other stuff that seems unimportant right now.  They gave me some very simple instructions on what to wear (loose fitting comfy clothes), to shower but not wear perfumes or lotions, to leave jewelry at home.  They told me where to check in and at what time.  9:30 am.   And before I could even think twice I was headed back out the office door to my car.

Bowel Prep Day

Even though I didn't know for sure what my test results were gonna be I was required to do the bowel prep just in case the surgery was a go.  Bowel prep was required because while he was doing my tummy tuck, if Dr. Buchanan saw any existing hernias he would repair them at same time. So my bowel had to be clear in order to do any potential repairs.

Pauline, the lovely nurse from Spokane Plastic Surgery had given me the bowel prep sheet.  2 days prior to surgery take a "gentle" laxative such as Women's Correctol.  Pauline says to buy the small box, as I will only need 1 dose.

I think.... well it can't be too bad.  Since I take iron every day I also take Benefiber to keep things moving.  I wasn't afraid.  I'm actually more afraid of not being able to go.  That has happened to me.  That is horrible.  So the day before when I saw the little pink box of Women's Correctol Laxitives I thought.... this is not a big deal at all.   I threw it into my cart and moved on.

The next day I get up and make my coffee.  Routine kicks in at that hour of the morning.  On autopilot I add 2 scoops of Benefiber to my coffee along with my creamer and Protein powder.  I shake it up and start drinking it.  It is delightful.  I stare out the back door wrapped up all cozy in my robe, at the cold ground covered in frost.  I take big gulps of my coffee. I watch the dog sniff around the back yard and then quickly beg to come back in,  My cup is soon empty and I pour my next cup.  Creamer only this time.  My morning routine in tact I sit down at my computer to check on my Facebook Peeps.  Then I see the Bowel Prep sheet taped to the computer cabinet door.  Oh shit.  I mean, literally, I think of  all the shit!  Bowel prep day is TODAY!?!?!?!

What to do?  I can't skip the bowel prep, can I?  I mean if I do I may get my surgery canceled.  And if I lie about not doing it and I have a hernia....oh my.  Well I guess I have no choice.    But maybe I will wait a few hours to take the laxative.  Its all good.  I have all day.

I finally decide I should just do it.  It's my Sons birthday party day and I would really like to get this over with before we fill my house up with 3 extra people when we only have 1 bathroom.  That's right....11 people... 1 bathroom.  Awesome.  I am already feeling sorry for everyone in the house!  Thankfully some of them are leaving for a few hours to play Laserquest.

I look at the Women's Correctol dosing instructions.  It says take 1 to 3 pills.  1 to 3?  Well which is it 1 or 3?  Is 2 an option?  Well if I am gonna do something, anything.... I am going do it 100%.  I pop 3 little pills into my mouth, wash them down with a big gulp of water and wish myself luck,

I am sure you can all imagine what happened next!  Lots of candles were lit (and not for my sons's B-day cake).  Lots of toilet paper was used.  Lots of cramping and swearing and oh my, lots of shit!  I swear I pooped out a piece of gum that I accidentally swallowed in the 3rd grade!

But as fate would have it the worst of the episodes happened while the boys were gone to Laserquest! :)

More waiting and obsessing

Over the summer I went into my Drs office for a routine check up that included blood work.  At that appointment they discovered I was severely anemic and would need 2 blood transfusions.  I have since that day been very scared of getting bad blood test results.

When the nurse handed me my lab slip I was terrified that if my blood work came back low/bad that my surgery would be canceled.  I was obsessed.  I looked over my copies of the good blood test results from  November.  How bad could they be in less than 6 weeks?  I had been taking my supplements almost perfectly. Except for that one day that I left them on the counter.  Was that 1 day of forgetfulness going to sabotage my surgery?  Oh My how I stressed and obsessed.

I refused to even plan for my surgery with the exception of my 2 best friends and my husband. We figured that between the 3 of them they could cover the day of surgery (2 with me, 1 with kids) and that Tim would take a week off of work to take care of me.  He submitted his time through FMLA, but told his boss it might get canceled if my blood work came back low.  His time off was approved, and his boss was fine if he had to cancel it.  All was ready.... well at least the kids were covered.

Friends tried to make plans with me for the week of the 30th and I made lame excuses.  It wasn't that I cared if they knew I was having an abdominoplasty it was the fear of it getting canceled and me having to live that disappointment with an audience. I told my Mom and my kids. And I did tell 2 other close friends.  But swore them to secrecy. And I explained that the surgery could still get canceled if my blood work was low/bad.  My friend Amber told me I should be making freezer meals and planning for a long recovery.  She even said she would help me.  I couldn't commit to doing it.  How could I face a freezer full of meals if the surgery got cancelled?

So instead I took down Christmas decorations and planned Kaleb's 12th Birthday party.  A sleep over with 3 friends and Lazerquest with Dad.  A fun chocolate cake to bake and decorate.  Pizza, presents, Fun.

Tim, Kaleb & Jen

The whole crew!!!!

My Birthday Boy!

But inside... I was obsessed with blood tests that I had no control over.  :(

The Call

Christmas Eve morning,  I'm laying in bed snuggling with my Harlan my 5 year old.  I can hear my other 3 kids eating breakfast and watching TV.  It was supposed to be a restful morning as my Mom and my niece and nephew were coming that afternoon to spend the holidays with us.  I had a few things still to do to prepare for our Christmas feast and some presents to wrap.  I was not even thinking about surgery.   My phone rings on the night stand next to me.  I look at the number.  It's a call from Spokane Plastic Surgery.  My heart skips a beat.  I take a deep breath and answer.  It's an angel nurse named  Pauline.  She asked me if I still wanted to have my surgery this year?  YES of COURSE I DO!!!!  Apparently I am the first patient SPS has had that received  Insurance approval for the whole tummy tuck procedure.  My insurance company had agreed to pay for the skin removal, muscle wall tightening, belly button re positioning, and liposuction on my hips and buttocks area to help contour the fat under the scar.

Wow!

Holy SHIT!!!  No Fucking Way!  (oops sorry for my potty mouth, Pauline).

What happens next?

Pauline, the angel face Nurse, goes on to tell me I need to come in for blood work and bowel prep instructions.  And Alicia lets me know I have to pay a deposit by 11 am to secure my surgery date which was December 30th.

DECEMBER 30, 2014!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pauline explained that once Dr. Buchanan had received the news from his office staff that my surgery (the whole thing) was approved he had asked Pauline to pull some strings with the hospital scheduler to get it done this year.  So while I was completely unaware of my approval, and Dr. Buchanan was sitting on a beach in Hawaii (it's true, he was), this spunky sweet little angel of a nurse, Pauline worked really hard to get my surgery scheduled before the end of the year.  Bless her perfect little heart,  I am just overwhelmed with gratitude to her!

So I jump out of bed, grab my credit card, scream at my kid to get dressed and put their shoes on, throw on my Mom uniform (jeans, T-shirt, baseball cap,  black dansko clogs, Oberlin Sweatshirt).  We leave the house in less than 15 minutes.  We arrive at the SPS office just in the nick of time.  10:45am.  I pay the deposit.  Pauline goes over the Bowel Prep instructions.  She hands me the lab test slip.  There is alot of blood work required.  She makes me an appointment for the following Monday to see Dr. Buchanan and to go over my test results and do the final prep appointment before surgery.  She tells me where to go to get my blood drawn and I head that direction.

I'm still basically in shock.  Could this really be happening?

I get to the lab and due to a guy passing out in front of us there is a VERY long wait.  With 4 kids,  The day before Christmas. And the youngest tells me he didn't eat breakfast even though it got made for him.  Oh no, please have mercy on us!!  The hospital receptionist tells me I could try another location an offers to call the one up the street.  It's 12:01.  All other locations except the one we are at close at Noon on Christmas Eve.  We are stuck.  We have to wait it out!  So after a 2 hour wait and chasing my son around the potted plants in the waiting room, trying to stop him from picking the leaves off or throwing the decorative moss around, they finally draw my blood and we are on our way home.

Christmas is tomorrow.  But I know my anticipation will not end until the 29th when I see the Dr and he gives me my blood results.

The waiting

Anyone that knows me knows that I hate waiting.  I have little to no patience.  And it is only exacerbated when I have no control over the situation.  So waiting for office staff and my Insurance company to get the paper submitted and make a decision was so HARD for me!  The office staff at Spokane Plastic Surgery did a great job getting the information submitted.  However my insurance company did not necessarily do a good job receiving the information or being consistent on what they wanted submitted to consider the surgery.  This made me crazy.  I would call the Insurance Company to be told that my Drs. office did not send pictures or start a file properly.  And then hear from SPS office staff that the Insurance company did not request pictures or start a file for them properly.  All I can say is that Alicia at SPS is a saint!  She worked so hard to make sure the Insurance company had what they needed and in a timely fashion.  She dealt with my weekly sometimes daily (ok 3 times daily) phone calls for updates with complete courtesy and professionalism as did Toni!  Even when I was losing patience with them and maybe not being my sweetest self  (I'm sorry Alicia and Toni).

Additionally Toni and Alicia gave me clear ad reasonable expectations that it usually takes 30 BUSINESS day so about 45 calendar days to get an answer from an Insurance company.  They tried to gently set me up to not freak if we still were waiting in January.  Oh man did they try.  But I REFUSED to accept that answer.

I knew that with my original Gastric Bypass Surgery approval that the squeaky wheel gets oiled with my Insurance company.  I called for updates, spoke to the nurse that actually makes the decision and made sure she had all the documents that were required for my WLS.  I  believe it was because of my diligence that I received approval for gastric Bypass Surgery in such a short amount of time.  The difference there was that I had tests that had to be preformed and sent back to them before they would approve it.  But once they had all tests and all the information my approval was made within days, not weeks.

I approached my Abdominoplasty with the same attitude.  If you speak nicely, follow up with the decision makers and make sure they have everything they need then the process will move more quickly. Additionally, in making my follow up calls I got to actually speak to the Nurse Manager that makes the decision on my surgery.  I got to plead my case to her and explain all my health issues related to the extra skin.

I don't want to share too much, mostly because it is embarrassing and most people don't really care.  However if you are reading this blog to find a way to get your surgery covered by your insurance company it may be helpful to hear how I got mine approved.  The primary issue was the extra skin kept getting infected.  No matter how clean and dry I kept my skin I had recurrent nasty itchy skin infections under the apron of skin and in my belly button. I had gone to both my primary Dr. W and my WLS Dr. V over the past 2 years and been treated for these infections.  I refilled prescriptions multiple times over the years.  In the summertime was the worse.   This is what all of my Drs sighted for my primary complaints in their letters of support to the Insurance company.

What I also got to tell the nurse at the insurance company was that I suspected I had a separation of my abdominal muscle which makes me at higher risk for a hernia.  This separation happens from being morbidly obese as well as carrying 4 babies to full term.  And my babies where big squishy 9 pounders.  :)  Also you can get hernias or increase your risk of them developing anytime you have abdominal surgery, of which I have had my bypass but also in 2004 I had my gall bladder removed. By pulling that muscle separation back together, it could help prevent hernias.   I also got to tell her how the extra skin was effecting my ability to exercise.  I told her stories of how I had to strap the skin down to run, or do any cardio with spanx or other binders.  And lastly I bared my soul to her and told her the extra skin was negatively effecting my marriage.  I felt unattractive due to my extra hanging skin and it was effecting my sex life and thus my marriage.  (Please note:  these were MY hang ups.  Tim never once complained or probably even noticed the extra skin.).

The nurse told me she had everything she needed to review the surgery and she would be making her decision soon but gave me the standard "it can take 30 days to make a decision".

Again with the waiting.  By this time we were past the middle of December.  I actually told my husband that despite all my efforts it would probably not happen before the end of year (and thus in time for us to use our already paid deductible since my transfusions over the summer were so expensive).  I was doubtful we as a family could come up with the deductible plus our co-insurance for this surgery until the end of 2015 if we couldn't take advantage of what we had already paid in 2014.  So even if I got approval after January 1st I could not have the surgery for another year.  I was sad.  But with my 15 year wedding anniversary on the 18th of December, Christmas fast approaching and my oldest sons 12th birthday coming up on the 29th I just put my disappointment aside and focused on my family and the holidays.