another wise woman

A few months ago a friend of mine from an online community posted about a family friend who died of complications from being morbidly obese. She is very vocal about her support of WLS to save lives and change lives. Recently on the message board someone was being negative about WLS being like "cheating". And because of those comments I was disheartened about my decision to pursue the surgery. My friend disagreed with the comments and posted this:

Jen, you ARE doing the right thing. I can and have been judgmental about WLS, but there are also times when I say, "well, that was exactly the right decision to make."

When you said you were thinking about it, and were going to attend a meeting, my immediate reaction was, "YES! This is right." I actually was a little worried you might decide otherwise.

The other time I had this reaction was for my mom's best friend and it was the best thing SHE ever did. The only question was why she waited so long to do it. My parents even had a sit down with the two of them about 10 years ago, and they both were dismissive and uninterested. My parents never brought it up again, but then when he died of complications related to his obesity and she emerged from the fog of depression surrounding being widowed like that, she went to my mom with her tentative idea to look into it. My mom was supportive and for a while there we were BOTH agitated that she'd end up tabling it again for a decade. But she did it. And she looks and feels great. Killer yoga aficionado now. And, pissed she didn't do it years ago.

Anyway, point is, we all have different reactions in different situations. And I can honestly tell you that my reaction to your plans was 100% positive, with no hint of cheating or judgment. And I can still give an eye roll to Carrie's acquaintance, because I'm damn sure there's something going on there judge-worthy.

If you decide to go forward, I will unequivocally share in the joy of your transformation. And it will be authentic and earned. I also think that if I were you, I would hold my cards very close to my chest. Nobody is entitled to medical information about you other than you and your doctor. You don't need to feel like you owe anybody anything. If you can get away with reinventing yourself without being open about your surgery, then I say go for it. You can always talk about it later, but it'll be your choice then. Cats only come out of bags, not go back in. If you want to have it be a private matter for you to work through at first, then you should do it just like that. When you're strong, have seen progress and are perhaps in a more secure position about yourself like Denise is now, then share. Until then you owe nobody nothing. Say what you want to say and no more.